Worlds Collide...

Hey.
I haven't been on this blog in a very long time! My friend Veronica has a blog on blogspot.com and she suggested that I start to blog again. To tell you the truth I've kind of missed it. Ever since dance this year ended I have been bottling up my emotions, I need a new outlet. I'm back!
Ive been kind of a muddle of things lately. My best friend has come back for the summer before she moves to Ottawa. It was two years since I last saw her; I missed her so much! Sadly, she is leaving again in 12 days. I'm not sure how I'll get used to being without her again. It'll be super hard.

It's 3:08 am right now. I think I have insomnia; I can't sleep a wink. I hate getting into bed and feeling tired and just laying there for hours on end. My mind just doesn't want to rest. It's going everywhere, anywhere it can. It is quite annoying. My body is tired but my head is busy...I suppose there are a lot of things to think about.
I dont really know who I am anymore. Im sick of being alone but I want to find out who I am...and I dont know how to do that. Its scary...not knowing what I'm supposed to do in this life. See, I dont like to think about the future. Not really. I mean, making plans for the week is one thing but planning out your life is another and frankly, it scares the shit out of me. I dont know what I want to do. I'm sick of everyone pushing me to make decisions about my life when I dont have a clue.
The one thing I want to do more than anything else is to travel part of the world. I want to see and experience different things. I want to meet new people. I want to learn the world from different perspectives. I want to find out how different cultures live. I would love to go to Europe, Asia, Australia, even parts of the US. Anywhere. I haven't travelled much in my life so far. Ive been to a few different places in Canada, North Dakota, and Mexico, and that's about it.
I just want to get out of here. I love most of the people I am always around, but that's just the problem. I'm ALWAYS around the same people. I want to get out of this city and see different places! I want to meet new people and try new things. I might be scared to look into the future, but the one thing that gives me comfort is that I know I am definitely not alone in this world, I know there are millions of people out there who feel the exact same way I do. Even though they may not speak english, I may not understand them but they are out there...and one day I'll see the world the way they see it.
<3

Solo

Hey. So last night, I was sitting at home, thinking about life and some things that are going on. Sometimes to get my feelings out I write lyrics. I don't really show them to anybody, but its a good way to express myself. Last night I wrote some stuff that I am really proud of. I thought I would put it on here. The song is called SOLO.

SOLO

If only this were it
If only it could end this way
Then it would be in history
And they could tell a simple story
But it's drawn out, there's more
And it is long and complicated
Like an unresolved solution
That was right in front of her face
The whole time
But sadly she was blind
She couldn't look beyond the looking glass
Her eyes glued to the sign that
So clearly stated "You Weren't There"
As she stared she couldn't contemplate
Exactly what went wrong
She over analyzed the wreck that was her mind
Until the thoughts all were blurred
She couldn't tell one picture from the next
The only one she could decipher:
Coincidentally a picture of herself
And with her new discovery
She quickly realized the silent truth
That she had hidden from herself
And become a shadow of a person who
Couldn't see beyond what was right in front of her
She had become that person she thought
She'd never be
But the worst part
Was that you had corrupted her
And made her into someone that was wrong
And this will go in history as one
Small tragic story that was left
Unresolved and broken because you
Walked away
And left her broken mangled heart upon the ground
She couldn't fix it so she tried to go on
Solo
And ever since then she can't find the missing piece
So she turned to herself for the comfort
That got her through the mess
But now she can't look beyond the looking glass
Her eyes glued to the sign
that so clearly stated "You Weren't There"
And all she wants to do now is get through
It all
And thanks to you now
She has to do it
Solo

Best Friend, Please Come Home

Hey, guys. So right now, I'm talking to my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Mackenzie. She (sadly) now lives in Miami. She moved there almost 2 years ago. I miss her like CRAAAZY!!! Argh. I've known her since 4th grade...good times.
One time I went over to her house, and we had like 8 pizza pops in two days. And then for dessert, we had TWO buckets of lemon and lime sherbert. while watching the Little Mermaid. It was such a good time. Then, the next morning, we decided to work it all off in a nice brisk jog. Turns out, we jogged for 5 minutes, got tired, and went back to her house for another pizza pop each. Or the time when we decided that we wanted to feel good about ourselves so we went for a run. We ended up running to BDI to get some ice cream. Or the time that I let her cut my sidebangs into front-bangs. And she cut them SO crookedly that I had to wear them up for 4 months afterwards to let them grow out again, and then I had to fix them myself. Good times. So you can see why I miss these good times.
Unfortunately, we live in different countries now. She's coming back to Canada in like a year or so, but she'll be in a different province. I miss her like CRAZY, as I mentioned before. And the sad part is - I have no idea (and neither does she) when she's coming back home. So I don't know if it'll be two more years or ten more years till I see my best friend in the whole wide world again. :(

Love you and miss you!
XXXOOO
JULIE

Love, Obsession, and Cynicism

Some say that love can cause people to do great things. Yes, but love can also cause people to do STUPID things. Someone under the influence of what they believe as “love” can do something they would NEVER even think about doing, like say trying to prove their love for someone by killing themselves. This is DUMB. I mean, that is NOT love. That is something I like to call OBSESSION.
Yes, you may call me cynical. But, I think you’ll find, in course time, that every time “love” (or what you believe to be “love”) occurs, someone ends up getting hurt. The percentage of marriges ending in divorce is something like 70/30. Why do you think this is? Becuase dumb people think that they are in love, while they are really under the temporary, disorentating spell that causes attraction. Hormones. Definition of Hormone: the secretion of an endocrine gland that is transmitted by the blood to the tissue on which it has a specific effect on the brain and actions of the person. All this temporary “love” spell does is make someone blind to their “lover’s” faults, and make them crazy and “lovesick”, which I define as: someone who is under the delusion of being in love, finding their “true” love, which makes them do crazy things, like suspend total, realistic reality and makes them beleive that that one person can make their life a much better place. Well. THEY’RE IN FOR A HUGE SURPRISE. Because from what I’ve seen, one of them will cheat or do something EXTREMELY hurtful and cause the other’s heart to “break”. Of course, people exaggerate A LOT these days. Hearts can’t physically break. Obviously. And romantic love isn’t actually in your heart in the first place. It’s in your BRAIN. So, when that person who you think you’re in love with proves my point and BRAKES your “heart”, you can’t really say that your heart is broken. You can say that your BRAIN is broken, because deep down you really know that you never really felt ANYTHING in your heart in the first place. It was ALL in your HEAD.
Let’s talk about CHEATING. Scenario: A man falls in “love.” They are together, life is great. They get married. They are together for a number of years, living the “dream” (but really missing out on a LOT of things that would probably be a lot better). Then, the man has a MEET CUTE. That’s when he meets another girl in a really cute, ironic way. They start talking, she gives him her number. Depending on the man, he will either call or not call. Lets say that he doesnt call. So she calls him, finds some excuse to dial him up. He says that he can’t do this because he is married. Good for him, he admits he is married. But then, he realizes all the things that are wrong with his wife. So, he decides to call the girl. They meet. Eventually, he is cheating. He may not realize it, but yes. He is CHEATING.
Why do you think this is? Why do you think that men choose to cheat? Oh, and it’s not just men. It’s women, too. And the reason is: THEY’VE FOUND IT. They’ve grasped the fact that “love” doesn’t exist. Love is the temporary feeling of passion and devotion to someone, which they will soon tire of. So they cheat. They get the drama going. They like the rush of not being certian if they’re unknowing oblivious partner will find out or not. They do it because they like the feeling of doing something they know is wrong. And then the partner finds out. And they end their feeling of “love”. They then FINALLY realize that I am RIGHT, LOVE DOESNT EXIST.

xoxo

JULIE

oh-so-right